Ignore the grammar bullies and keep on writing

Much of the advice—dare I say most of the advice?—you’ll receive on writing is shit.

How do I know? I’ve supported myself as a writer for more than 40 years. So I’ve had to wade through deep cesspools of horrible writing advice.

And the worst advice typically comes from someone who once got an A in high school English grammar, so they feel they’re qualified to be your editor.

Grammar bullies.

These folks haven’t advanced beyond the rudiments they learned when they were 14.

“Never begin a sentence with a conjunction” or “never end a sentence with a preposition.”

But to that I say, “You clearly don’t know WTF you’re talking about.”

(That begins with a conjunction and ends with a preposition, in case you weren’t paying attention.)

Today I was nonplussed when I read a post from a university professor who said that if she sees someone write in one-sentence paragraphs or begin a sentence with “but” or “and,” she’ll scroll right on by.

OK, then. Scroll right on by these, Professor Smarty Pants:

• “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?” That’s from a novice named Bill Shakespeare who tried to write some plays.

• “But nothing that we do in this world is done in vain.” Another pitiful beginner named Charlie Dickens.

• “And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” F. Scott Fitz-somebody-or-other.

• “And God saw that it was good.” Holy Moses!

If only these poor writers had had (yes, “had had”) the benefit of the professor’s track changes!

So here’s my advice to you as a beginning or intermediate writer: ignore the self-appointed experts.

The only way to learn to write is to write.

Assuming you already have the basics down, start by mimicking great writers: essayists and columnists you like.

Retype their works to get a sense of how good writing feels as it’s coming from your own fingertips.

Write compositions of your own. Start by writing for yourself and no one else.

Eventually, you will find your own cadence. Your own style. Your own voice.

Then you’ll get published. You’ll win prizes.

And that’s how you deal with grammar bullies.